Utopia Not Dystopia!

A Note from Robert Royal: I don’t want to interfere with the pleasure of reading today’s column, but I have some serious TCT business, so I ask you when you’re ready to click here to read an urgent message.

My Dear Fiends of Earth,

Tired as We are of this planet’s obsession with the United States of America – although, to be sure, it does draw attention away from things eternal – We are pleased that your efforts at corruption there have accelerated the long slide of the U-S of A towards Our dark mastery.

But let us never forget that damnation, although always the legacy of most humans, is not to be assumed the destiny of any individual man or woman. Do not, We implore you – indeed, We warn you – take for granted the ever-increasing number of the living fallen. No man or woman is ever ours forever until each is convinced at the end that his or her sins are virtues. With so many victories, it may seem that the war is already won. It is not.

With this in mind, We order each and every one of Our demons to strive mightily to capture every single American soul. In most cases, this will not be difficult. We have seen a century pass in which Our will has been done through the agencies both of totalitarianism and freedom. Praise the paradox!

As We have said since the beginning, oppression and fear are excellent tools in the short run, reducing people, as they do, to terrified children willing to commit any sin simply to survive. But at the end of it all, victory will be won not by driving men to savagery in order to escape terrible pain, but by luring them in to pleasures they no longer see reasons to resist. We need Utopia, not Dystopia.

We do encourage all assigned to the Middle East to continue fomenting hatred towards what people there call the Great Satan. I know they do not mean me, and I am not offended. There was once a time when such enmity directed at America caused Americans to stiffen their resolve against an enemy. Thanks to your efforts, citizens of the U-S of A now equivocate; they “soul” search; they apologize. We needn’t remind you how preferable abasement is to Us.

Adam and Eve had only themselves and no basis for comparison. The Father of Good, may his name be forgotten!, gave them fresh purity, which, like that apple, rotted in their mouths, because they could not be satisfied, not even with an earthly paradise. We might have swept their pitiful species from the face of the planet, but then these miserable apes were put upon a path towards salvation by Abraham and Moses and Elijah and the rest, right up to the Son’s coming. But they do not wish to be saved. And that brings Us to the point of this letter.

Ever since God came out of the tomb, the Catholic Church has guarded the narrow path of escape. Again, We appreciate the temptations you have provided and that have felled so many priests, and more even do We admire way the allure of democracy – all men are created equal! – has caused the leaders of this Church to desire the approval of people and power: popularity they call it. But the Church is unpopular. Membership is shrinking and, best of all, almost all who call themselves “Catholic” are not much so.

As We have often noted: remember chivalry. Whereas once it was a matter of virtue and blood, now it is merely a few pale fools dressed in medieval garb fencing in public parks with blunted swords. This is our model.

But the battle against the Church is different. The Son said We will not prevail against it. We seek victory over the Church. We seek its destruction. But it will not be destroyed. Know your enemy. And know Our goal.

*

Think of this Church as a new Ark. Hell would forbid if We could, but it will come drifting into the eternal paradise at the end. Your task is to guarantee that few are aboard. It enrages Us to think that it will not find port empty, like a ghost ship, but some will be “saved.” Some already are. But do not be troubled.

Use your charge’s momentum against him. Pull her in the direction she is already headed. Tell them all: fornication is always good; pregnancy is often bad. Assure them: it is better to let others do important things for them. Say: lust is natural; pride is a right; greed is common sense; anger is always righteous; and envy is simply the pursuit of equal justice.

We are not sure much else needs to be done to encourage among the Americans either sloth or gluttony.

But above all, work to weaken the resolve of Church leaders to teach and the willingness of the “faithful” to learn. Whisper in every ear that man is a self-created thing; that a woman must follow her own “instincts.”

There are a few of you who think the ideal is when a mother says, “Today I’ll kill my child,” and then skips merrily over to Planned Parenthood. Not so. Continue to work with the euphemisms given you: “choice,” “products of conception,” and so forth. Let none of these women be encouraged to say, “baby.” May evil forbid it!

We do not discourage the provocation of external attacks against America, but let’s never forget that more souls will come to Us through surrender than resistance. That awful Mr. Lewis wrote: “There are two equal and opposite errors into which [the human] race can fall about the devils. One is to disbelieve in their existence. The other is to believe, and to feel an excessive and unhealthy interest in them.”

No, no, no. Neither belief nor disbelief please. We want sinners, not acolytes. Keep your eyes on the main thing, dear fiends, and you cannot fail.

NOTE: If you didn’t do so at the top, please click here to read that urgent message from Robert Royal.

 

*Image: “No Place like Utopia,” by Chris Bracey, 2013 [Scream Gallery]

Brad Miner is senior editor of The Catholic Thing, senior fellow of the Faith & Reason Institute, and a board member of Aid to the Church In Need USA. He is a former Literary Editor of National Review. His most recent book, Sons of St. Patrick, written with George J. Marlin, is now on sale. His The Compleat Gentleman is now available in a third, revised edition from Regnery Gateway and is also available in an Audible audio edition (read by Bob Souer).

RECENT COLUMNS

Archives

The Catholic Thing Daily Email

Receive columns each morning about events in the Church and the world.

  • Join the 50k+ subscribers who receive The Catholic Thing's daily email

  • This field is for validation purposes and should be left unchanged.

 Join the 50k+ subscribers who receive The Catholic Thing's daily email

The Catholic Thing Daily Email

Receive columns each morning about events in the Church and the world.

  • Join the 50k+ subscribers who receive The Catholic Thing's daily email

  • This field is for validation purposes and should be left unchanged.

 Join the 50k+ subscribers who receive The Catholic Thing's daily email